Thursday, May 18, 2006

I am not sleeping, I am not awake.

I still have my eyes open at 1:05 a.m. on Friday morning stuck in the megapixels of cyber crap. I am living vicariously through the instantaneous information that comes at the bidding of my fingertips. It is all bullshit I am firing electrodes to some of the synapses in my brain so as to feel stimulated, connected, cultured, alive. But here my body sits and my sould tells me otherwise. Yet I continue to write this in hope that I will be heard and someone will come to the rescue. I am addicted to this shadow of a fragment of an imagianary life... pretty low. I want to be one of the people everybody is watching live their lives hoping one day they can imitate whatever it is that makes them envious of my living. Then I want to turn to them shake them hard and tell them to grab their coat get on their feet and start living their own damn life.
There is more then this I know it, I am going to find it even if it takes to my last breath. No doubt tomorrow I will wake up and still buy into the American drip of a dream but the difference is I am no longer in my comatose state. The anesthetic of your silver lined lies is wearing off and though I feel the burn of your barbed misgivings, I am determined to let you have my flesh, feast on it if you will. I REJECT YOU WORLD POWER! There is a deep magic of eternity that you know nothing about, a sweet balm to my soul that you cannot touch or taint.
Jesus only your strong and steady hand can minister the salve of Truth. Oh that I would have the courage to face the atrocity of my condition and the widsom to know and accept your way as the one that cure this disease.

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