Walking Slowly Home

I am surprised at how dull I am in comparison to how highly I think of myself. Last night I was humbled by the tenderness of a hug. I wish that I was as strong as I make people think, I wish that I could blame this all on other people letting me down, I wish all of this was easier. Life just isn't supposed to work that way. After two years of making drastic changes in my life, I have finally worn myself out enough so as only to be able to sit at the feet of Jesus and hope He can make sense of some of this. I was surprised as I sat in my desperation how quickly He responds and how simply. He came without judgement, explanation, demands, formulas, just an embrace. I needed a hug on the inside, a touch where fingers can't go. Only the sharp accuracy of the Holy Spirit could cut through all this shit I am trying to tread just to keep my head above water. And there I was bare before Him and I know it is only the beginning because even as I sit here and write this I wonder what I have to do to get back there or how I can make my life more consistant. But there was none of that it was just a simple revelation that came of how much I have and continue to screw things up and how much I need saving. I sense the deep beauty of this love and I am scared but this world has nothing left to offer me but the backdrop to my slow walk home.